At the beginning of February, I tore my calf muscle playing padel. It was immediately, unmistakably serious. One of those injuries where your body tells you before your brain catches up. I sat down on the sandy court immediately in excruciating pain.
What followed were weeks of physio, rehab exercises I had to keep reminding myself to do, and a recovery that moved in the smallest possible increments. From not being able to walk at all, to walking with pain, to walking slowly, to finally feeling like myself again.
It was a very difficult time - for those of you who have gone from being incredibly active to not, you will know how this can affect your mood. I couldn't even walk around the house - I was pushed along on my wheely office chair (these kids thought this was hilarious!)
By the time I was physically ready to return to the gym, I didn't go. Not straight away. I told myself I was protecting the injury, and partly that was true. But really, I'd just lost the habit, was fearful of how hard it would be and began to prioritise other jobs and responsibilities over my health and fitness.
The moment that changed things
Last Friday, I was at the launch party for Show Your Light Collective - the book I contributed a chapter to - and afterwards, sitting at the station waiting for my train to Brighton, something clicked. Maybe it was the energy of the event. Maybe it was being surrounded by women who'd achieved so much in the face of adversity, but I picked up my phone and booked two gym classes for this week.
In that act of booking the classes, something that had been routine for me in the past, I made a commitment to myself. To make a start. To choose my health and wellbeing.
This morning
I went to yoga. My first class since February.
It wasn't as fluid as it used to be. Parts of me were stiff, but just sitting there at the start of the class, working on my breathing, I felt happy and relaxed. My teacher said what she always says at the start of class: take it at your own pace. Usually, I don't listen and push to do the most difficult variations (I'm competitive even with myself!) But today I did listen and take heed of her words.
I left feeling something I'd missed, the satisfaction of feeling your body post-exercise and I was one class closer to being more like ME. The version of me who moves her body every week, not just for fitness, but for the mental clarity and mindfulness that comes with it.
What this means for you
Whether it's injury, illness, a season of stress, or simply the relentlessness of everyday life, it's incredibly easy to fall away from the habits that used to anchor you. The longer the gap, the more the inner voice insists: it's been too long, it's too hard, you've left it too late.
That voice is wrong.
Ask yourself: what health or wellness habit used to be part of you? Not just something you did, but something that made you feel more like you? Could you return to it, even in a gentler or adapted form?
You don't need a perfect plan. You don't need to feel ready. You just need to make a start, even a small one, even from a train station on a Friday lunchtime.
That's where change begins.